Living On
by JackBoy15
Summary: 10 year old Jalicia Curtis has always believed that her mother never really loved her, never seeming to live up to her expectations and feeling she wasn't as important as her family and having never felt close to any of her brothers, only ever feeling close to her father and when tragedy strikes, she must learn how to live without the one who has always been there for her.
1. Jalicia Curtis

I was the only girl of three older brothers and have grown used to being excluded when the boys would do things together though most of the time I have not interested in doing things with them, but they never really ask if I would want to either and it doesn't help my feeling of being left out when my thirteen, almost fourteen year old brother, Ponyboy will go on about how much fun they had and throwing my feelings of always being left out in my face.

I have three older brothers: Darrel, named after my father that goes by Darry though I like to call him Darrel just to annoy him, but I wouldn't be a little sister if I didn't annoy him from time to time; Sodapop who I have always been the most closest to but we are also the most alike, and Ponyboy who I like to annoy the most.

My father was always very original as except for Darry, we all have original names, even my name which is Jalicia that is pronounced like Jalyssa, but most people say it like Alicia and that bothers me as I love my name as it was special from my Daddy though I know my Mom wanted to name me Marie, after her mother, hence my middle name Jalicia Marie though I'm only called that when I am in trouble, but I mostly go by J.J., the nickname Soda and Steve gave me as a baby.

Ponyboy and I hardly ever get along as he always finds some way to put me down or having to always compete to having the best grade in the house, never letting me just have one special moment to myself, wanting our Mom to be proud of me too like she is with him and maybe I am just jealous as Mom has always favored my brother over me and Pony doesn't ever let me forget it either.

Mom was always constantly telling him how good his grades are or how she loved watching him run in track, wanting to support him but could only seem to put me down in whatever I do, telling me my grades are good enough for her, constantly telling me how Pony's grades were so much better than mine and should take after him more or how my love for playing sports with my brothers and their friends is unladylike and refused to support my soccer, wanting me to be more ladylike like her, and always expects more of me with cooking and cleaning than my brothers even if I wasn't eleven yet and my brothers were already late in their teen years.

After years of having to always hear how much better Pony was than me from my own mother and never supporting me in the same way as my brothers with my older brother, Sodapop seeing how I really feel about it, I have come to resent him for always being better than me at everything and just wanted one thing to myself and though I don't think Mom means to always put me down, but we are just different and I was more like my Daddy and he has always supported me in anything I do, proud of me in anything that I do as long as I try my best.

It isn't that I don't love my mother because I love my mother though sometimes believe she doesn't love me, as much as my brothers, she just doesn't seem to like the way I am but if I wasn't allowed to be me than I would never be happy and my Daddy got that, my brother Soda got it, even Pony got it at times though we could never make it through a conversation without having a fight with Mom and our brothers always taking his side over mine as I was always wrong and gave up on always coming in second with Pony.

The one that seems to get me real well is Soda's best friend, Steve Randle who could a jerk to everyone around him and doesn't like Pony too well as he is always tagging alone with Soda, thinking he was just a kid, but he is different around me, seeing me as a little sister and is just as protective, knowing just how much it affects me when my Mom puts me down for something even if I won't say anything though I think Soda knows but hasn't said anything.

I am the only one that really knows that Ponyboy doesn't like Steve, not even Soda knows and they have this brother love fest that I don't get and it annoys Pony bad that Steve is nothing but a jerk to him and treating him like a kid, but treats me well and gives me the attention I sometimes lack and doesn't have a problem with me hanging around him like him and sometimes it is just nice to have all the attention on you and with being the youngest and a girl to three older brother, the attention is almost always never on you.

Pony is always complaining on how I spend too much time with Steve when in reality, Steve is the only one that really notices me and besides Daddy, the only one that has ever seen me play; Soda is always in detention because of his bad grades and teachers just think he's being lazy and put him detention, Mom won't support my soccer and I hear sometimes Daddy arguing about that with her, saying she doesn't support me enough and had plenty of time to be ladylike as I was only ten, and Pony would rather smoke than see me play and has the nerve to say I don't play well when he never even seen me play before.

He just thinks I like Steve because he doesn't like Steve, but Pony has nothing to do with why I like Steve and not everything is about him who went and tattled on Mom on me for saying that and of course, I was wrong even if I didn't do anything but tell the truth and probably would have spanked me in front of everyone if Daddy hadn't stopped her, that was when I really began to believe my own mother doesn't love me.

My parents have never really been one to hit us and that night, she really scared me and took me two, almost three weeks to even be in the same room with her and I know she felt bad with the way she would look and isn't like we were never punished for when we did something wrong and wasn't like we were never spanked because Soda and I were sometimes too wild to not be, except for Pony who was one of the golden boys, but I didn't even understand what I did wrong, all I did is say that my liking Steve had nothing to do with Ponyboy who took a little too much pleasure in my distress and believing my mother just doesn't like me.

It was a school night so I have been sent to bed for a night though I doubt anyone wanted me around as it was their date night and because my brothers are idiots, Mom didn't like leaving them home alone at night, believing that they would burn the house down and that was true though were convinced that it was because of me as I was just ten, but Mom and Daddy have no problem leaving me alone, only when they were alone so I knew differently as Daddy had told me so himself and our oldest brother, Darry was home from college for the weekend to do laundry so was watching us, mostly Soda and Pony with their friends while Mom and Daddy were out.

The relationship that I have with Darry is nonexistent as we didn't even have one as he always just seemed to see me as a girl that was in the way, at least Soda understands me some and is trying to have a closer relationship with his younger sister and though Pony and I argue, at least we have some kind of relationship, an unhealthy one but it's there and he just doesn't get me at all, he is a lot like Mom and saying I need to be more of a girl and not so much a tomboy, but with growing up with three brothers there was nothing I could do about that and I wasn't one to just sit on the side and watch while they got to have all the fun.

I sometimes wonder if Darry even liked me as he treats almost the same as Mom with how he sometimes treats me though Dad says Darry loves me lots, just doesn't know how to express his feelings to me when I told my Daddy that I think Darry hates me and took Darry and I out to a game, hoping to get us to bond as we were the only sport players in the house and tried talking about my soccer team winning our first game and how I scored the winning goal, he made it negative and told me girls shouldn't be playing soccer and should focus more on my looks and not so much on sports.

It bothered me after all the football games and track meets that I have been forced to attend with my family, even when I was sick with the chicken pox as I had to support Darry and Pony in their athletic accomplishments, they could never show the same for me and complained to Daddy once, asking if I was as important as Darry and Pony, and if he loved them more than me, but I think I upset him by asking that.

My bedroom was right next to Soda and Pony's room and the walls were real thin so I could hear them fooling around in there with their friends, making it almost impossible to fall asleep though they were supposed to be settling down as well as I wasn't the only one with school tomorrow, "Pony, shut that fucking window, will ya, your going to let the bloodsuckers in," Soda said, referring to mosquitos, making me laugh; he always knew how to put a smile to my face even when I was at my lowest and Soda is the only one that tries to understand how I feel about Mom hating me when Pony and Darry just think I'm stupid for thinking that, but I don't like mosquitos either though has more to do with me being allergic to most insect bites.

"Soda," I yelled through the wall, knowing full well he can here me and it wouldn't be the first time that we would have conversations through the wall while in separate rooms; it would sometimes help me sleep and get them to settle down and Mom and Daddy couldn't hear as their room was at the other end of the hall and we never needed to talk to loud to hear each other.

"What is it, Jalicia baby, can't you sleep," Soda said and heard Pony grunt in annoyance from hearing me still awake, but he was always annoyed by my presence as I heard Steve and their friend Two-Bit Matthews wrestling around from their room, but that wasn't anything new though Mom would be upset if they broke another lamp, but I'm sure she will just try to blame it on me though I know the boys won't let me take the fault for that.

"Come here, please," I requested of him though I knew he would come, he takes being a older brother very seriously and I know I can always go to him though sometimes think he just prefers to be a older brother to Pony than to me as I heard his bed squeak as he got up and moments later opening my bedroom door, looking tired, "What is it, Jay Bear," he asked, wanting to go to sleep.

"Can you stay with me for a while, I don't like the thunder," I said as the storm that was going on outside was getting rough and didn't like that Mom and Daddy were still out, they usually weren't out this late as I would always wake to Mom breaking up the party in the boys room, I wasn't really allowed in their bedroom as Mom said I needed to respect their privacy though had no problem with them being in my room.

"Sure Jay Bear, all you have to do is ask, scoot over," Soda said, climbing in next to me and clung to him as I heard thunder over us and really hoped it just stayed a thunderstorm, I could not deal with another tornado warning right now, especially with Mom and Daddy not home.

"Soda, why aren't Mom and Daddy home yet, they are never out this late," I asked and know I was sounding like a little kid right now as they were probably just stuck at the restaurant because of the storm, but I couldn't help but ask, needing my older brother to tell me that everything is all right.

"Don't you worry, J.J., Mom and Dad are just fine. They probably just don't want to drive in the storm and the restaurant is pretty far from home. Just relax and go to sleep and when you wake up for breakfast in the morning, Mom will be in the kitchen, waiting for you to watch her cook and Dad will be in his chair reading the newspaper. I know at times you think Mom doesn't like you or that she favors Pony and I can see how it can look like that to you. I see the look in your eyes but she probably doesn't realize that you feel that way, J.J and isn't going to know unless you tell her how you really feel," Soda said, talking softly to me so the boys couldn't hear are conversation from the next room.

"What would I say? I've tried to tell her before and she never listens, all she ever sees me as is a disappointment for a daughter," I say quietly and letting a tear slide down my cheek, just realizing how much I do need my Mom and feeling she won't let me in.

"You tell Mom that you sometimes think you don't love her as much as she does us and feel she favors Pony over you. You tell her that you feel you are always being compared and never good enough which is not sure. You are Jalicia Marie Curtis, not Pony and shouldn't be expected to be just like him and sometimes feel unloved by her as she isn't as supportive with you, I will even go with you and Dad will come with us so it doesn't turn into another shouting match, you need to sit down and physically tell her that she is unintentionally putting you down and hurting you," Soda said, placing his arms around me and tightening as thunder cracked above us.

I know I had to tell her but was scared of what she will say and I am sure she does love me but is so focused with having me be a lady and doesn't realize how much she is breaking my spirit, but can't help but feel she doesn't love me as much as my brothers as she never intended to have a fourth child, making me think I was a mistake though Daddy calls me his little special surprise and I know I need to tell her how I feel without screaming it so she will listen to me, but Mom and I have never been good with listening to each other though I do try to hear her and it's like she doesn't want to accept me for who I am as I am never going to be happy just sitting on the sidelines, I like being in the action and wonder if she will.

"Just sleep on it baby and you can talk to Mom tomorrow," Soda said, drifting as I agreed to tell Mom how I really feel and ready to have a better relationship with her than just watching her cook in the kitchen; and wishing just one day that Mom will just accept me for who I am and just love me and little did I know that everything was going to change that day.


	2. Morning Tradegy

I wasn't stupid, I knew Soda was only just telling me all that to just shut me up so I would close my eyes and get some sleep, I doubt he really believes that Mom loves me; he has seen how harshly she has treated me compared to my three older brothers and he was just trying to shut me up, Daddy is the only one that cares about me and though I do intend to talk to Mom how I feel about doubting her love though she is just going to shut me down.

It was early, not even five in the morning yet and I usually am not one to wake up early as I like my sleep, I just wasn't a morning person and it seemed too quiet as I could usually hear Daddy starting to get ready for another hard day at work, but it was completely quiet, maybe Daddy just slept in because he was out late last night and don't even remember hearing them come back as I must have fallen asleep before they even got in.

I heard the doorbell rang and walked out to the living room where I saw Steve sleeping on the couch as he probably gotten into another fight with his old man and was passed out, not even hearing the doorbell as I went to open the door.

There were two cops standing at the doorway and one thing I have learned from living on this side of town, is to never trust cops as they only see us as a lost cause, remembering a time a cop made my brother Ponyboy and I go out the backdoor of a movie theater like trash; I was nine so I don't really know how I feel about cops, except not to trust them, one of few things my brother's taught me.

They just stared at me, trying to intimidate me and I am close to just waking up Steve who was sleeping on the couch because they are freaking me out, "Hi Sweetie, my name is Officer Bradley and my partner Officer Hale. Can you let us in," he asked me, talking to me in a babyish voice, almost as if he was making fun of me, but I don't trust cops so I just shook my head at them as I had a bad feeling about them.

"Now, we are the cops, you can trust us. Listen, we really don't have time for this, it's Alyssa, right? Can you get your oldest brother, Darrel for us, we need to speak with him," the one cop said, still talking to me in a baby voice and just wanted to slam the door on them and wished I never answered the door.

"J.J? Who is it," a voice behind me, recognizing it to be Darry said, sounding annoyed though he was always annoyed whenever I was involved and moving aside so he could see who was at the door, knowing he could handle the mean cops more than I can as Darry moved in front of me, frowning when he saw the cops at the door, "I'm Darrel Curtis, is there something I can help you with, officers," he said, being respectful though I know my brother and could hear the fakeness in it.

"Now what I told your sister, Alyssa if the brat was listening, my name is Officer Bradley and this here is my partner Officer Hale and I am afraid we have some bad news about your parents," Officer Bradley said and I could feel my heart stopping and by now Soda, followed by Pony were joining us in the living room, waking Steve up from all the commotion around him, "What the hell is going on," he said mumbling into his pillow and barely even heard him, getting up.

"What the hell do you mean you have bad news about my parents? Where the hell are they? They never came home last night," Darry said, frustrated with them as the other three in the room were now up to speed as to what is going on, but what bad news? Where was Mom and Daddy?

"Well I am sorry to inform you but there was a accident last night and I am afraid that your parents didn't make it. I am terribly sorry for your loss," Officer Bradley said though he didn't look much sorry, just wanting to get it over with as we were just bunch of greasers and didn't have the same rights as the rest of us, feeling myself beginning to have one of my panic attacks and saw Soda and Pony trying hard not to cry and Darry was just frozen, not knowing what to do.

I felt myself being lifted up into someone's arms and looked up to see Steve looking down at me, concerned as I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugging him tight to me so he wouldn't put me down, trying to keep myself from crying; I couldn't cry, not here, not in front of my brothers or these cops.

"No, no. There has to be some mistake, Officer. Our parents can't be dead, they just can't be," Darry said, finally coming out of shock from being told our parents are dead. Please, just let this be a cruel joke our parents are playing on us and are going to come around the corner any minute and say, 'Got you' because Mom and Daddy can't be dead, we need them here with us, I'm not ready to let them go yet and haven't had the chance to talk to Momma yet.

"Sorry but I am afraid they're gone. You will need to go the coroners and identify them," Officer Bradly said, not sounding too sympathetic as far as I was concerned, but couldn't really see from hiding in Steve's shoulder, hearing Soda and Pony softly crying to themselves, not wanting anyone else to see.

"Of course, I will go down there early this morning. Soda, can you and Steve watch J.J. while I take care of that," Darry asked Soda and Steve and didn't have it in me to protest of not needing a babysitter as I haven't had one since I was eight, but I really didn't want to be alone right now anyway.

"Darry, don't you worry, I'll take care of her, just go take care of things," I heard Steve while rubbing a comforting hand down my back as Soda couldn't bring himself to answer, he was just too distraught right now and was obviously in no condition to watch me anyway so it was a very good thing Steve was here right now to help take care of things.

"Social Services will be coming to collect the minors by lunch so I suggest packing a bag if you don't want to be leaving it behind," Officer Bradley said all of the sudden, terrifying me, causing me to tighten my arms around Steve's neck. I didn't want to leave, this is the home where I grew up and didn't want to go and live with strangers, knowing I will most likely be separated from Soda and Pony as I was so much younger and a girl, they couldn't do that to us.

"Whoa, no one is leaving with anyone from Social Services. My brothers and sister are staying here with me and that is final. We're family and we just lost our parents so we are staying together," Darry said, protectively, realizing myself that everything was going to change. What is he going to do about football and school if he was here taking care of us, he was only nineteen, but what else is there if not being put in a foster home.

"Well, I guess that is just something that you need to discuss with your case worker, not my problem, greaser," Officer Bradley said rudely and you would think he would show some sympathy, we did just lose our parents, but we were greasers, and will always be greasers as far as they were concerned.

I was completely in shock of what I just witnessed, not knowing what to do besides wrapping my arms around Steve's neck; I couldn't even cry, but I haven't cried in a long time and I just don't know how to cry anymore, just knowing that Daddy was never coming back and felt more alone than anything.

There was just no way that they were going to allow us to stay together, Darry was just too young and all I really wanted to do was cry, but I just didn't know how to cry, after years of containing my tears from always being rejected by my own mother though still loved her, but now I will never know if she loved me.

Now I wished that I hadn't answered the door, then maybe none of this would be happening right now and it would all just go away, wanting to pretend this was only a real bad dream and I will be waking up to Daddy shaking up any moment now, telling me it was only a dream and I hated this and Darry doesn't even care or like anything about me so why would my brother want to take care of me when he has never bothered with anything about me before

Soda was the first one to speak up out of all of us after the mean cops left our porch, "Darry, I want to go with you," he said softly, not his normal hyper voice that I usually here coming from him, but out of my three brother's, Soda is by far, my favorite brother, though it wasn't much of a contest.

"No, I need you here to take care of things with Pony and J.J, they need you more than you needing to go down and besides, I don't really want you to have to see that, your just a kid, and someone needs to tell the gang and they are probably all going to show up soon; I don't think I can handle having to tell them," Darry said, distraught and refusing to let himself cry, and one of the ways that Darry and I are alike, we don't like feeling weak, but all I could seem to think of is the last time I talked to Mom and it wasn't exactly pleasant either as we were arguing before she left over something and yelled why she hated me so much before I locked myself into my room until they left, not bothering to come talk to me and now I will never know.

I never knew how much that I actually depended on Daddy and now that he was gone, all I wanted was him to comfort me and tell me that everything was going to all right, but I am not naïve, there was nothing that anyone can say that could make this all right and they were going to separate us all, maybe Soda and Pony will get to stay together, but I doubt there were going to let me stay with them, I was ten and a girl; yesterday my biggest worry was scoring the winning goal in my next soccer game and now I am worried I was going to be taken away from my family, and though I am not exactly close to any of my brothers, I don't want to taken away from them either.

I haven't said a word since the mean cops left and I didn't know what to say now, Soda and Pony were hysterically crying and me, I was just completely emotionless, not knowing what to do right now, not knowing what to feel about all of this that was happening around me; it was all just too much to take.

"Steve, are you sure you are alright with having to watch J.J and the boys for me, I don't think Soda can handle doing anything right now, he is just too distraught right now which is understandable with all that is happening. Do you mind getting them to eat something too and maybe help Soda tell the gang when they get here, I have to go down and identify their bodies," Darry asked Steve softly so Soda wouldn't hear him talking about their bodies, not realizing that I could hear him as I was still in Steve's arms since he had lifted me up when I just found out our parents were dead.

"It's no problem, man. I got everything under control here. I'll get the kids something to eat, but what do you want me to do about the social worker that is going to be coming," Steve whispered, noticing he was trying to keep me from hearing, but I still heard every word and it scared me to a whole other level, not liking the idea of some strange person coming to our house, judging us and who gets to determine if we get to be stay together and be a family.

"Don't let the kids leave with them until I get back, but I should back long before this social work even arrives though and try to get her to eat something for me," Darry said referring to me obviously as whenever I am real upset or distressed about something, I have a real bad habit of refusing to eat from being so distressed over something and know how much that annoys my family that I do that even though I have never done that on purpose.

"Don't worry, Dar. I'll make sure this one eats as well as those two even if I have to feed her myself just go take care of what you have to take care of and I'll take care of these three here, maybe teach J.J some poker that will have even Dally sweating," Steve said, trying to lighten the mood, but knew he was only making Darry more annoyed than anything, hearing my brother sigh in annoyance at Steve's comment, but what Steve has already taught me how to play a good poker hand, Daddy too though Momma never liked them teaching me, saying it wasn't too ladylike.

Steve had placed on the ground so he could go over and help Darry talk to Soda, away from Pony and I, who was on the couch crying openly and not bothering trying to cover it up like he normally does and it seems that Darry and I are the only ones that seemed to be in control over our own emotions even if by being in control, I was just refusing to have any and not sure if I should go over to him and try to comfort him, just staring at my brother while he cried, not sure what to do.

I went and sat on the coach next to him as he just ignored me being there as I just sat there emotionless, not sure if it has really hit me that they were never going to come back, I was alone with three brothers that I am not even sure like me as they never seem to want me around, except for Soda sometimes and that was only sometimes and half the time, I think that it was only because Steve had said something to him as it seemed that I was always a burden: to Daddy and Mom who I doubt ever loved me just because I loved sports, Steve as it seemed he always had to be a brother to me because my own wouldn't, Darry never wanted me, Soda seems to think I am in the way, and Pony just hates me, so I know that nothing will ever be the same and didn't what happened with us, I was always going to feel that I am unwanted in my family.


	3. Loss

I was hiding out in my room, the only place I ever really felt safe as it seemed to be bothering Soda and Pony that I was there when they clearly didn't want me around and the one good thing about being the only girl is having my own room which is what Daddy told me.

I didn't want to be out there in the living room where my brothers were still crying as it made me feel worse about not being able to cry when that is all I really wanted to do and wished that Daddy was here to make me feel better, but I longer had anyone to comfort me.

I heard a knock on my bedroom door and Steve peaked his head, "Hey, time to come eat," he told me and gave him a look who in return gave me a stern look back which tells me he isn't going to let me get away with not eating when the last thing I want to do is eat.

I wasn't stupid either, I knew Steve wasn't joking when he told Darry he would literally spoon feed me if he had to and sometimes wonder who cares for me more him or my brothers as he likes having me around a lot more than my own brothers than seem to get annoyed whenever I am even in the same room with them.

It is like they don't like me and sometimes maybe Soda will be nice to me, like put me to bed sometimes and lay down with me when I am feeling lonely and the guys are making too much noise in the other room, but he just tolerates me, I don't really know how he feels about it.

I went out to the kitchen and saw a few plates of scrambled eggs which I know is one of Steve's specialties and if I wasn't so upset right now, I may actually be excited about him making me a plate of his special scrambled eggs, but I didn't have a appetite for anything, even his scrambled eggs as I stared down at it, wishing that it would vanish so that I wouldn't have to eat.

There was just too much going on in my mind right now, with Mom and Daddy dying and Darry having to go down and identify their bodies and now some social worker lady was coming to take us away and will probably separate us all and never see each other again, not caring that we just lost our parents and that separating us is the last thing they should be doing because we need each other now more than ever.

I watched as Soda and Pony slowly eat their food though more like just forcing it down as they didn't seem to want to be eating anymore than I did though not eating was more my thing and it always worried Daddy when I would get like that while Mom couldn't be bothered as she just said that I was acting out for attention, but Daddy knew that I wasn't just acting out for attention, it was more of a coping method when I couldn't handle my emotions any more.

I knew was watching me and could see that I wasn't eating, but couldn't bring myself to pick up my fork to start eating as the three of them were already finished and picking up their plates to wash while I just sat there, not having enough will to eat.

I saw Steve glance at Soda who looked at me not eating while Pony made me no mind; I could starve and he wouldn't care, "J.J, Honey, you have to eat. It's not good for you to do this, you have to keep your strength up," I heard Soda say as he usual he didn't bother when I refused to eat, knowing to just let me be and I will eat when I am ready so if he was telling me to eat, he must be worried, maybe about this social worker lady coming and she might take me away if she thought I wasn't eating.

I slowly picked up my fork and forced myself to swallow down the amazing eggs that Steve made for me and wanted to show my gratitude but I didn't want to with Soda sitting right there and managed to swallow at least half of the portion of eggs before pushing it away and Soda looked over at Steve.

"She at least ate some, maybe get her to eat some toast before lunch," he told him as if I wasn't there and had no say if I was to eat or not, but not caring at the moment either.

"It's better than nothing and I did promise I would have her eat something. A little less than what he actually wanted, but at least she managed to eat something so lets not push it yet, let's see how she does with that first," Steve said, taking my plate from me and finishing up the eggs as he was not one to waste food.

I just went back in the living and curled up on the couch, wanting to just go back to sleep, but knew I wouldn't be able to go back to sleep anytime soon as every time I even think of closing my eyes, I see Daddy and Mom which makes me want to never go to sleep again.

The front door opened and in walked Two- bit though just ignored him, "Aw, what's with the long faces. Did someone die or something," he asked in a joking matter and knew he didn't really knew because otherwise, he never would of said it but I just ran to my room as I heard a "What! Shit," coming from him inside the safety of my bedroom.

I was still in my pajamas and didn't see the point in changing yet, besides Soda, Pony and even Steve hadn't changed yet either and it was still early, only like ten though Darry should be home soon as he left around seven, maybe even earlier.

There was a knock on the door which was probably Steve coming to check up on me, but in popped Soda and usually he didn't bother, "Hey, Two-bit didn't mean anything by that. He didn't know and was just making a joke like he always does, you know how he likes to make everyone laugh. He feels real bad that he might have hurt your feelings. Do you want to come out and give him a hug, it'll make him real happy," Soda asked me, trying to convince me to come out.

I wasn't stupid either, I knew he only came back here because Two-bit was upset at the idea of upsetting when he made that joke and not to make feel better and comfort me like Daddy does, but I wasn't mad at Two-bit because he is always making jokes like that, I was hurt that Soda was trying to manipulate me by using my feelings against me.

I just shook my head, not ready to come out and wanted to be alone for a while as I felt him get up and walk out without saying a word or even a hug and sometimes that is all I need, but with a family of three brothers and a mother who saw me as nothing but a disappointment, I lacked in the hug department.

I decided to finally get changed and for once was wearing a skirt and blouse that Daddy bought, thinking I would like it as it was more my style than anything Mom tries to put me in as she was always trying to make me more of a girly girl when I was fine with just wearing some jean shorts and simple skirts, besides we didn't have the money for that anyway.

After changing, I finally came out of my room and was immediately ambushed my Two-bit and lifted up off the ground, "I'm so sorry, J.J! Please tell me you forgive me, I didn't mean anything by it," he said as I nodded my head at him and really wish I could give him a smile but it didn't meet my eyes.

The door opened and Darry walked in and could see him looking slightly pale from whatever he saw as he looked at us and sighed, "I really hope you guys have moved. I swear you have been in the same place since I lift. The only difference is that J.J is changed and Two-bit is holding her instead of Steve. Please tell me you guys ate," Darry said and looking over at Steve who was sitting at the poker table.

"Yea, I made some scrambled eggs. Got J.J to eat at least half of what I gave her which was better than nothing and then Two-bit showed up. Haven't heard from any of the others yet but I'm sure Johnny or Dallas will be coming around soon enough," Steve said and Darry nodded his head before falling back in the arm chair, looking exhausted.'

"I don't know what to do. Our parents died just this morning and they are already threatening to take Soda, Pony, and J.J away. They don't think I can handle taking care of them. They just see us as a bunch of filthy Greasers that are just going to cause some trouble, giving us what, four hours to heal before splitting us up," Darry said agitated of the upcoming visit from the social worker.

"Ok, we need to get ready for that social worker. She could be here anytime. Guys, go get dressed and clean up whatever mess there is in the back room, we need to look like we have it together and at least delay them and I can start working full time at my job, maybe look for another job," Darry said as the boys went back to their room and Two-bit went to help him and set me down on my feet.

What about college and football? How could he go back to school if he was working full time and the possibility of thinking of getting a second job. Then I realized something, he wasn't planning on going back, but that is what he dreamed about since as long as I could remember.

"What about school," I asked him softly and the first time I really spoke since those cops showed up at her doorstep this morning and Darry looked over at me and see how tired he already was, he was still a kid himself, there was no way he was going to be able to take care of the three of us.

"I don't know, maybe I can go back in a few years when things settle down, but right now school is just going to have to wait, but right now staying together is more important than playing football for some school," he said gently and for once didn't have some snooty comeback towards me and is probably only being nice because he is stressed and I am sure he will be back treating the same as always by tomorrow, if we manage to stay together for that long.

I think that this the longest that Darry and I had ever got along since I was like three which was when I started to rebel as Mom saw it when I had wanted to play soccer instead of doing dance and wearing dresses, and saying that something must be wrong with me if I didn't want to wear pretty dresses but I just never liked those things, being more a tomboy than anything.

Since I was already dressed and my room was clean as that is how my Mom expected my room to be like, I didn't really need to do anything except the dishes we had used to eat that were still left in the sink from earlier before Darry told me to freshen up before she gets here, but what is she to expect? We just lost our parents, the last thing on our minds was going to be having a clean house.

I went back to my room and put my nice pair of dress shoes on at Darry's request and I think he wanted to make me to look like a cute little girl in hope to soften down the social worker lady that was coming and why he told Steve to help me put my hair two braids with blue ribbons. Yeah, he was definitely trying to make me look cute.

"Sorry guys, as much as I hate to say it, you guys need to leave for a while, but see if you can track down Dally or Johnny, they still don't know anything yet. Dally is probably hungover somewhere and Johnny could easily be at the vacant lot,"Darry said to Steve and Two-bit, feeling bad about kicking them out.

I didn't like that he had to leave but apparently only family members were allowed to be present during the social worker's visit as that is what they had told Darry when he spoke to them while he was out, but I didn't want them to leave because it felt nice having them here and they are family, despite what the state says and they sure do treat me like I was their little sister sometimes.

I watched Steve and Two-bit walked out, giving me a sour mood as Steve gave me one more glance and giving me a wink that was telling me to cheer up and that he will be back soon, he always comes back and not be sour before walking over to his car with Two-bit as he said that his car broke down again.

Now it was just the four of us and all the things I was trying to forget all morning came back to me now that Steve and Two-bit weren't here to help us forget about them which is something that those two were especially good at: making us forget and helping cheering us up when we were down about something and already wished that they come back as I was already thinking about Daddy again.

"Ok, we need to get ready. Guy, go change out of those clothes and put something more decent on and wash out all the grease out of your hair. J.J honey, stop staring out the window, they are going to back soon. Soda, when your done, can you get all the beer out of the fridge, I don't want her to get the wrong idea and Pony, make sure your cigarettes aren't laying around anywhere and J.J, keep watch and let us know if you see her come early," Darry said, giving us all orders and after telling to not stare out the window, that was exactly what he was ordering me to do.

I watched as my brothers ran around the house, trying to get everything done while I kept watch for this mean social worker lady to come and there wasn't much time left as it was almost noon and that was when she was supposed to arrive as Soda and Pony ran out to the kitchen to get rid of all of Daddy's beer that he had in the fridge and stash it somewhere.

I saw a dark car pull up just as they finished getting all the beer out of the fridge, stashing it somewhere in the basement, "She's here. She's here," I screaming, knowing that they could hear, being the second loudest person in the family with Darry coming in first who came running out dressed in some nice clothes and lifting me off the couch as Soda and Pony came running in, nicely dressed and Darry handed me over to Soda who took me from him and holding me close.

I watched from Soda' arms as some stiff lady with a tight bun and glasses that stepped out of the car as my brother was holding me a little too close, realizing that she was the one that got to decide whether we got to stay together or not, and I did not like that she was the one that decided whether I was allowed to stay with my brothers or not.

She could just as easily separate us for being Greasers as many before her have been known to do, separating families and though I may not be close and not really understood in my family, and probably never will be, I still didn't want to separated from my brothers as they were all I have left as I held on tight to Soda, scared I was going to ripped away from him and to never see him again.


	4. Social Worker

I was petrified, there was no other word that could explain how I felt right now with fear running through me at the thought that they could just take us away and have no say in anything that they decide, and because I was a girl, they might decide to just take me, separating me from the only family I know.

Soda put me down, but kept his hand on my shoulder, keeping me close as he feared the same thoughts as I did, but even if we are denied to stay, unlike me, he and Pony will most likely be kept together, there really is no chance of me staying together with them, and what about Steve, I couldn't leave, he is the only one that cares about me.

I flinched when I heard a heavy knock at the door, alerting us to the social worker at the door, wanting to just hide behind Soda in fear, already not liking her and she was probably a Soc so our fate was in the hands of a Soc who was going to look down at us for being dirt poor, separating us all with no chance of ever becoming a family again.

We all looked at Darry, not one of us wanting to answer the door as I was just scared if I was to answer it, she grab me and take me away from my family, giving me a evil laugh because that is how I saw these people as: evil because they don't care we just lost our parents only a few hours ago, all they do is tear families apart.

He rolled his eyes at us and gestured for us to go sit on the couch, feeling Soda grab my hand and pull me along with Pony, putting on his lap which was something I wasn't used to my brother's doing, they never did this stuff with me, Steve has, but not them, they always got annoyed at me for just being in the same room with them even if I was just doing my homework.

I watched Darry open the door and could feel my heart stop in anticipation, wanting to cry and was scared she was going to ask me stuff and was too scared to answer, and will just get mad, take me away for not cooperating, telling me I was to never see my family again, don't they care they are parents just died and will never feel Daddy's love again or know if Momma loved me?

I watched as the mean social worker lady came in and saw the look of disapproval on her face at the sight of the inside of our house, making it clear that she thought she was better than the likes of us, Greasers who were just dirt on the bottom of her shoe that she could easily scrap off and be done with it and I didn't like that.

"My name is Ms. Simmons. I am here in regards of the living status of Sodapop, Ponyboy, and Jalesha Curtis? Now what are your proper names, children," she asked us, despising for the mispronouncing my name and my brother's know that it bothers me a great deal whenever someone does which is probably why I go by J.J. as it gets exhausting always having to correct someone.

"Those are our real names, ma'am, our Dad was very original. By the way, you mispronounced my sister's name, it's Jalicia, like Jalesha. It's pronounced like Alyssa but with a J in it, she goes by J.J.," Soda spoke up for us all though just rolled her eyes at him in disgust as if how dare we even speak to her.

"Greasers, they're all the same. Strange names," she mumbled to herself though we could hear her as clear as day though none of my brothers made a move to comment her on her insult to our names, but I actually like my name, it was special to me and would say something myself if I wasn't scared she would use her power to separate us if I did so kept my mouth shut and remained relaxed sitting on Soda's lap who was holding onto me real tight.

I watched as she walked around the house, trying to find something that could separate us, sometimes grunting in disgust at the way 'we greasers' live as she kept mumbling under her breath, not liking that she was snooping through our things as some of our things were real personal, but kept silent and just stayed between Soda and Pony as we followed her around as she did her search around Soda and Pony's room that smelled like rotten feet.

What is she expecting to find anyway? Our parents were good people though sometimes wasn't always so sure about my Mom at times as she seemed to only be annoyed at me when I wouldn't get something, where Daddy was patient with me, until I got what he was trying to teach me.

She opened the door to my room and I cringed at that, not wanting her in my room anymore than she wanted to be here, hating that she has already been so rude to us for just being Greasers, looking around and shaking her head in disappoint at my room, having everything put away even looking in my closet which felt like an invasion of my privacy.

"Jalesha does not seem to have any feminine clothes, why is that," she said rudely, directing the question at my oldest brother and despite what Soda had told her earlier, she continued to not pronounce my name right and I have a feeling she just doesn't like to be corrected and didn't like how she was talking down to my brother.

"She really isn't into that kind of thing, she likes to wearing shorts and is more of a tomboy. Our Mom had tried to encourage her to be more feminine, but she wasn't interested though she's only ten and still has time," Darry said, keeping a composed face and could see he was worried, was she going to take me just for not really dressing overly girly?

She tsked, not quite responding to his statement as he glanced down at me where I was slightly hiding behind Soda without making it too noticeable and alerted the mean Ms. Simmons to me, I didn't like her, she was like my old teacher who didn't like me for being a Greaser and would verbally abuse me in class, and one time even hit me and I think that was one of few times Mom defended me, storming into the school and going into attack mode at the teacher who dared laid a hand on me.

I didn't like how she was taking notes about everything and didn't really seem to care that we just lost her parents, showing us no compassion, "Alright, I think I have seen enough for now. I will give my report and there will be a hearing in a few days. You'll get a notice in the mail when you will need to appear," Ms. Simmons said, making her towards the door, grateful we weren't being removed today.

"Ma'am wait, what about my siblings? Is there something I should to be doing to make sure we stay together," Darry asked though I could see he was just desperate to find out if we are going to be allowed to stay together, he hates surprised, always needing to be prepared and didn't like how he was just blind when it came our fates of being allowed stay together which is all we all wanted.

"I see no reason to move the boys which is what I will say in my report, but as for Jalesha, I'll be honest, I do express some concerns of you raising a young ten year old girl with having no female guidance and I am recommended she will be better off somewhere where she could learn to be a proper young lady. Good day," she said coldly as I felt my heart stop.

My brothers may possibly be safe, but my fate was still in the air, I didn't want to leave to live with strangers I didn't know just because she believed I wasn't a proper young lady, I didn't want, I didn't really do the fancy dressed, I liked simple, it suited me. What about my brothers or Steve? I couldn't just leave, I didn't want to though I have a feeling I wasn't going to get a choice as I felt Soda hold me close.

"Ma'am, she's only ten and has plenty of time, you can't just separate her from the only family she has," Darry tried, following her outside, leaving us all shocked and felt like crying, scared at the thought at having to leave my family because I have a feeling if I was removed from this house, I wasn't going to be allowed to see them for a long time.

I could see Pony and Soda trying to listen in to what they were saying though I just went blank and moved away from Soda now that the mean lady was gone and curled up on a couch, feeling even more empty than I already was, wishing she never said a damn word about her fate because now that is all that I can think about.

I heard a car drive away, guessing that she left as Darry came storming in, slamming the door hard, "These damn state people, thinking they are better than us. Who the hell is she to say this is an unsuitable living situation for a young girl, she has fine living here for the last ten years, I think she can do it for eight more! Recommended she be removed with no contact, doubt she cares about her at all," he said, mumbling to himself as if he didn't notice us right there.

"They're not taking her! I won't let these people tear our family apart! We just lost our parents, she deserves to be with her family instead of living with strangers," he ranted which I just ignored because I knew it wouldn't matter what he did, the social worker made it clear she didn't want me living here so it was most likely the judge is going to side with her.

"Darry, what did the Simmons lady say," I heard Soda next from beside me though not like it mattered and I can't understand why they even care I was most likely going to be removed, they never cared to have me around before; so now that Mom and Daddy were gone, they wanted me, it made no sense to be honest and is going to take them more than that to make me believe them.

"That bitch said that J.J. would not be properly brought up if she was living in this house as she has no female guidance which is bullshit! It's ridiculous, just because she doesn't wear overly fancy dresses or plays soccer instead of doing ballet. You haven't even heard the best part yet, she is recommending their be no contact on either side or any contact from any of her friends, a clean break as she calls it. That is even worse to removing her from the only home she has ever know, lets cut off everyone from her life right after she just lost her parents. It's all in the hands of the judge now, she has the final say if she has to live somewhere else or not. I just there was something I could do," Darry told him, despising the lady even more.

No contact? How does that even seem fair as I should have the right to be allowed to contact my own brothers if I wanted to, a clean break, my ass, they just are trying to separate from my old life, and if they take me and try to do keep from keeping contact, I won't last a day in whatever foster home they put me in.

I wanted Steve, he would know how to make me feel better and probably would have yelled at my brothers for even talking about this in front of me, saying they should have never discussed this in front of me, I was just a child and didn't need to worry about the thought of being separated though he has always been protective like that and I was more scared of leaving him than I was my brothers which was real sad.

I felt myself drift off and just let sleep take me as it has been a long and stressful day, feeling myself being lifted up though couldn't tell which brother it was that had picked me up, though knew it was either Darry or Soda as Pony wouldn't bother, and I wonder how he feels about the thought of being separated from him.

Pony and I may not have the best relationship, in fact, out of all three of my brothers, my relationship with him is probably the worst of them all, but I would like to think that he wouldn't want me be taken away, or at least he wouldn't, but who knows with Ponyboy, as he hasn't said a word about the threat over my head.

I believe I heard the door slam and heard some voices that seemed so far away though picked up Steve's voice out of a few as I starting reaching out for him, wanting him and faintly heard Dallas, I think who hated kids but seemed to have a soft spot for me, and didn't seem to mind when I would blabber on to him about something I knew he could care less about, never once telling me to shut me up which was nice.

"Hey, I can take her. Want me to put her to bed," I heard Steve faintly say as I moved into his arms, feeling more comfortable in his arms, feeling more secure being in his arms as I felt myself being carried towards the back, most likely my bedroom as I felt myself being placed on my bed and feeling the comforter being pulled over me.

I wanted to protest and claim that I wasn't tired, despite knowing I was as I felt myself getting restless, "Shhh, it's alright. J-bear. Go to sleep, I'm not going anywhere and neither are you," I heard say but could sense the fear in his voice, and noticed how he didn't promise me because I think he knew that there was a chance it would be a promise he wouldn't be able to keep.


End file.
